I know why people avoid the quiet. That’s when your soul talks to you and sometimes it says things you don’t want to hear. I’m long sober and do not have the luxury of avoiding the quiet. So I sit and listen and sometimes write the words down.
A gift from the silence: For my Father
Turns out just having this blog up inspired me to write something. Here’s a new one called Lunch on the Other Side.
Nice to get that all out of my head.
I’m a poet. I used to write a lot. I was in more angst then. Contentment doesn’t seem to be good for my creative output in this form. Maybe I will write again someday. It takes more quiet than I usually have access to – both inside and out. Meanwhile I decided to put it all up on the web. Like mother, like daughter.
I’m well aware it’s not all very good, but it represents a creative portion of my soul and the subject of best compliment I ever got from my Uncle Howard. He was an intellectual snob and extremely well read in this area so when he told me I was really a poet, it meant something to me. He told me to try to write about something other than love, sex and anger but somehow I never got around to it. But I did save his letter praising my work. It’s in my alter with all the other parts of my family I don’t want to let go.
I’ll never know if he realized how much his approval meant to me but I like to think so. Sometimes I miss being able to distill my experience down to a well articulated poem. Reading them at live events was an exercise in facing fear. I have never been that good at being vulnerable. The truth is I think posting this stuff out here is a pussy move. If I really had balls anymore I’d go perform them again.
Well, there was a time for that and now there’s a time for this. One of the most important things my mother ever taught me was that if I didn’t respect my own art, no one else would. I know I’m a poet like her because often when I read her stuff I cry. When I re-read something I wrote long ago and do the same thing somehow I feel like her in the most wonderful way.
So I’ll respect my own words enough to post them and maybe sometime in the future I’ll have the opportunity and inspiration to write more. That part of me is still alive, under the corporate digital job and spiritual counselor practice. In my heart I’m a poet and dancer and always will be no matter what costumes I wear for everyone else.
I’m me. You might get to know me a bit by reading my writing but that is only a snapshot of who I am at a particular moment in time. What is write is partially autobiographical from my own experience. But like all writers I reserve the right to alter anything I want in pursuit of a better finished product. So don’t take what you read too seriously. Then again, you can if you want.